… imperfect, generous to a fault, full of good intentions, but often falling short of our expectations. We don’t always know what we’re doing, but we get up every morning and do it anyway because that’s what moms do. We take care of things, and those we love. Unfortunately, we tend to forget what may be most important. We forget to take care of ourselves in the most effective ways, ways that keep us healthy, balanced, capable, and happy at our core. We forget that our children sense when we’re not happy, and “feed” off our mood of the day. We forget that being a mom is only one piece of a greater whole, and our children need us to be whole.
My transition into motherhood was anything but smooth. I made the mistake of anticipating only the physical challenges – the sleep deprivation, changes to my body, and workload related to kids. I didn’t consider how my new life as “mom” would affect me emotionally, psychologically, mentally, socially, spiritually, sexually, financially, and pretty much any other “ally” you can think of. Instead of fully enjoying motherhood, I started having what I referred to as “DBBs” (daily breakdown breaks). I lost interest in sex, hobbies, and my friendships. My self-esteem plummeted and I became paralyzed by doubt and insecurity. I adored my family, but found myself fantasizing about running away from home. Nothing made sense to me.
Instead of packing my bags and heading for the open road, I began talking to other moms. I quickly realized I was not alone. Each mom I talked to was feeling the same conflict – a deep love for her family vs. a sort of restless panic that was somehow tied to the “loss” of the “person she used to be.” As a mom and mental health professional, I was intrigued.
Hundreds of conversations and hours of research later, I published Missing In Action: How Mothers Lose, Grieve, and Retrieve Their Sense of Self – the first exploration of its kind into the dynamics of a woman’s transition into motherhood.
As for my personal stats, I received my MSW from the Graduate School of Social Work at Rutgers University and my NLP practitioner’s certification at the New York Institute for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. I love to present (in real time) to moms’ groups on topics relating to this major transition in a woman’s life and how to maintain a strong sense of self. I live in Yardley, PA with my husband, three children, and the various animals that tend to show up at my door. My rule of thumb in parenting is lead by example, mean what you say, keep a sense of humor, and always say ‘no’ when they ask for pet rats. I didn’t like the pet rats; my apologies to all rat lovers.
About In Mom’s Corner
Even the best new beginnings emerge from endings. When we choose motherhood, we know we will need to make some changes and sacrifices. Unfortunately, as we get caught up in the all-consuming journey of motherhood, we often unwittingly sacrifice ourselves. We begin to lose our sense of self, forget how to see ourselves as individuals with our own interests and dreams. We put everyone else’s needs ahead of our own and eventually let the proverbial well run dry.
I’m on a mission to bring everything I’ve learned, through my own journey and all my research, to a vibrant community of women who want to thrive in and beyond the role of “mom.” In Mom’s Corner (IMC) is where I share all the strategies I’ve discovered – strategies that combine self-care and self-development – so that you can find your “self” by identifying and pursuing goals around your personal interests, talents, and the dreams that may have been temporarily put aside. It’s the best way I know to maintain your sanity, your balance, and your sense of self.
This is what IMC is all about:
- Rediscovering your core values (what’s most important to you)
- Creating values-based goals, goals that incorporate your personal interests, talents and ambitions
- Implementing strategies that allow your goals to be actualized
I invite you to learn more about how you can put these strategies to work for you.
Check out Missing In Action: How Mothers Lose, Grieve, and Retrieve Their Sense of Self to hear stories and gain insights that will help you successfully navigate your journey as a woman and mother, or join a workshop with other moms who are on the same path.
You’re always there for others. It’s time to be there, for yourself.